You Can & You Will: Overcoming Money Shame
“You’ll never make it without me,” my husband of sixteen years declared in a cold, hard voice.
We were in the last months of a marriage that had long been over, fighting those brutal tug-of-war battles that come with dividing a shared life. He knew exactly where to strike: money.
Financial security had always been my deepest fear. And even though I was the primary breadwinner, with a six-figure salary, I believed him.
I was terrified. Terrified of raising two kids alone in a high-cost of living city. Terrified of the bills piling up, the credit cards we couldn’t pay off each month, the lack of emergency savings or college funds, the retirement accounts sitting vastly underfunded. I felt ashamed — certain that everyone else had it figured out, and I was the only one who had failed.
But I held firm that day in the bedroom of our rented home. He moved out a few months later, in the fall of 2020.
Finding My Strength
That winter was isolating. COVID kept me away from family and friends. Stores were shuttered. Life felt lonely and heavy.
So I bought myself a cheesy wooden block sign — the kind you see in gift shops — and placed it on the shelf in my bedroom-turned-home-office. It read: I CAN & I WILL.
It was a reminder of his words, a dare to prove him wrong.
Five Years Later
Fast forward to today: I am a happily divorced single mom with her own home. I have grown my salary. I have six months of expenses in my emergency fund and savings set aside for vacations. I max out my retirement contributions and save towards my kids’ college expenses. I pay off my credit cards in full every month, and drive a reliable car.
Most importantly, I have tripled my net worth. I’m still a worrier by nature, but I feel more secure than I ever have — proud, grateful, and free.
Why I’m Sharing My Story
I know I’m not alone. Too many women remain in unhappy, unhealthy, or even abusive relationships, jobs or life circumstances because they’ve been taught they can’t make it on their own.
Money is power. And for generations, women have been discouraged from learning about it. We weren’t taught personal finance in school. We’ve been told it’s rude to talk about money. We’ve been socialized to be dependent.
I was too — despite every privilege of a strong education and career. And yet I still felt ignorant, ashamed, and afraid.
If that sounds familiar, I want you to know what my wooden sign reminded me: You can. And you will.
